Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
