i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
