ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
