and she was petting her beer can
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
