If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
