i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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