you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
