it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
