We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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