giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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