i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well you can't waste a boner
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
