So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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