If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
