Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
