Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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