wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
