We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
