I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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