I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My dad is sitting where you rode me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
