Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
