at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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