Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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