what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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