thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
