we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
