doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
