youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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