Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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