i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
