How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
