i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize