Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize