She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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