I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
