he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
