Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
