i don't like sucking hair
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
