we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
