Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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