Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
