Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize