just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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