The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
