turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
