There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
