On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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