so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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