He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is Oprah even human
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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