I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
