my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
