i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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