if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
