We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
