In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
