People with herpes should wear stickers.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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