What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
