Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
