Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
