An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
