im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
