how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My vagina just recognized that song.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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