if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
