you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
