I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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