On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You took a bar mat shot.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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