it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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