Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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