It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
