The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My ass is underappreciated
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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