i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize