Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
