I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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