Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
