It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
