maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
