The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
