3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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