true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
