pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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