Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
